The parking lot of the Beverly Center looked like a Southern football stadium, as thousands of men tailgated in anticipation of the first night in theaters for “Sex In The City.” After the weekend was done, the dedicated fans felt as though the effort was worth it.

“Man, there were so many chicks up in that parking lot!” said Larry Jackson of Long Beach. “One of them girls looked so tender, she must have come off my grill with these bomb ass hind quarters.”

Like most of the tailgaters, Jackson drove an RV, even though all the revelers lived within driving distance. They all said they didn't want to miss a moment of this special weekend.

“I'm gonna put it like this – every breezy I called this week said they were going to the movies. Every single one, dog,” said Johnny White, who drove from Inglewood. “I figured that I could come out here and see some ladies, see some white girls, you know what I mean? There's some bad Asians, too.”

White also derived an unexpected benefit from his trip. “I saw that one chick I was dealing with up in here with some simp lookin' cat. Yeah, let him pay for this movie. Gas too expensive for all that, no way. We'll see where she at when the movie's over.”

White had no comment after the lady in question was seen kissing her date in the parking lot.

This weekend was seen as the best in recent years for parking lot pimping in the Los Angeles area, perhaps the greatest weekend since the Lakers won the NBA championship in 2002. Jackson said this weekend was certainly better.

“See, only cats with dough can get in a Laker game, which doesn't help my broke ass very much when I try to do my thing,” he said. “But man, anybody can afford a movie ticket. There's all kinds of other broke cats out here. Long as I keep my white-T fresh, I think I'm gonna be doing OK out here.”

Police were on hand to keep things orderly, but they eventually blended in with the partiers. “Did you see that girl's ass right there?” asked Sgt. Thomas Samuels of the Los Angeles Police Department. “I'm sorry, did you just ask me a question? If so, why are you asking me questions and not looking at all of this?”

Many ladies seemed shocked by the site of barbecue grills and men looking through binoculars as they walked in the parking lot, but some liked the atmosphere.

“Some old dude at the end gave me some hot links to put in my purse before I went inside,” LaShonda Williams said. “That's chivalry. I know I wish these dudes would have been out here when 'Iron Man' came out.”

*DISCLAIMER: Anything you read in Stop Lyin' is complete and total satire.